I thought I was gonna die!!!

I don't know how many of you have had the pleasure......Of course you have not had THE pleasure...Allow myself to introduce.....er...Myself. (Austin Powers)
Well bloggers Tuesday I woke up in the morning feeling fine and fit as a fiddle although the day before I had a little bit of a rough go with slight anal pain. Then all the sudden about 9:00 am I had to use the restroom (not to rest either) and then "It" flared up!!!!
"It" likes to hang out in a not so pleasant part of the body.. "It's" small but very powerful. "It" made me yelp like a puppy about 10 times. "It" left me with no choice but to go into the pharmacy and purchase ass cream!!! Not in a cone either!!
I think the fact that really made it uncomfortable is that "it" happened in the beginning of the day which left me no time to lay down with my feet thrown back behind my ears and a block of ice on my ASSHOLE!!!
This enabled this little bastard to pretty much make me walk like Fred Sanford and scream like Axle Rose!!! Yes it's a hemorrhoid!!! I had to drive my truck like Annie freakin Oakley sitting side saddle as much as possible. Everyone could tell what was going on.. It was at that time that I realized everyone I spoke to about "IT" has had some kind of dealings with them. Every was kind to share their little information about the Ass Pirate who enjoys seeing you in pain!!
So after work I was able to sit and chill and let the Ass Cream works its magic. I didn't even eat dinner because I didn't want to have to ...Well you know... Aggravate it!!! By having to use it for the only thing it should be used for!!!
Needless to say I woke up this morning with no intentions of going to the gym or even thinking about working out and I was fine... The swelling has gone down I can function like my ass is normal.... Even though it recently felt like I had a growth as big as Gary Coleman hanging out of it!!!
Thanks for sharing everyone...